right now
I breathe heavily
04:14, 19/6/2009
.. Link
I breathe heavily thick air nod. I will have a rest on the windowsill of the corridor for a moment when the nephew gives me a piggyback and passes the corridor. How he asks, I say freely. I sit on the windowsill lighting cigarettes and taking a few mouthfuls of it, wait for mood to be steady, just go to the ward to visit mother. aŁ¤ mother see I come spirit immediately, busy with, ask many questions, I smile perfunctory a few words. She sees I am depressed, asks me concernedly: "Man Zi, where is not comfortable? " aŁ¤ I swallow the tears and pretend to be joyous, hollow laugh stands up, it is OK to say. Mother sighs and says: "Man Zi, your period of time is given much trouble, it is all mothers who are not good, involve you. " aŁ¤
I advise her not to be cranky, lie and say that saw just now a disabled person wanted the money at the roadside on the road, feel very pitiful. Mother takes it seriously, to saying to the ward mate of the room: "Don't see a sample of my full son, very kindhearted. " aŁ¤
Perhaps mother often speaks my good word in front of the ward mate, the person in the ward is very friendly to me, and praise me for being filial son. I here one to the limit in fact " Sons of people " Obligation,"filial son " Two words are talking form where! aŁ¤ everybody should nourish a heart feeling grateful to mother. If the mother love is the sea, all we have done for mother is a small spray at most. Can never show off regarding as the filial devotion due obligations and responsibility of parents, this kind of conduct of fishing for fame and compliments is extremely mean. There is only great mother love in the world, there is no great filial devotion. The so-called one " Filial son " Just the respect to the life. Face a person giving you a life, it is all things in reason to use any as and reciprocate, usual but. aŁ¤aŁ¤
aŁ¤'s mother looks forward to doing the operation everyday, has already waited impatiently. She asked why I did not do the operation, I would not say Pet Shop, Frontline Tick, Frontline Cat, Flea Medication, Flea Remedies, china wholesale, Printer Parts with a smile then if I just reached the ward that day. We are talking and having nurses to ask me to go to director's office once. Went to the office with the nephew if I want mother to wait. aŁ¤ receive we the fat chief physician, woman doctor to wear glasses. She has modest and amiable attitude, the public praise is good. I just sat down and heard her sigh, then the expression congealed the important place and looked at me. aŁ¤
I know fairly well, have arrived while having a showdown. I want nephew go out, leave the ward not would rather not quite buy bag cigarette, hing. The woman doctor appreciated thoroughly, notified me immediately, were held a consultation by the expert and confirmed mother's canceration has already been spread with great emphasis, the method of the only extension life is the chemotherapy. Finish saying, she is bashful to look at me posing. Though aŁ¤ though I have psychological preparation early, still heart havoc at this moment, one slice of Chaos in the brain. The woman doctor sees me keep silent, ask what plans I have in a low voice. I getting distracted to, answer what if line know, needn't come on to the hospital subconsciously. Woman doctor aŁ¤ feels deeply that regrets to say a few words to comfort me, on the desk passing a list slowly to in front of me, it is my critically ill notice unwilling to see the most as expected. aŁ¤ I squint she at one glance, ask her result to come out early, tell relative. She debates and claims to just diagnose, emphasized it was an expert that held a consultation. I know it is just a righteous and honourable pretext that the so-called expert holds a consultation, can't help smiling, the hospital will turn into the place that hang out a sheep's head but actually sell dog's meat soon in anger. The serious one at once of woman doctor aŁ¤ shows, they have already done the best. I understood at last at this moment: The hospital hangs " Heal the wounded, rescue the dying " Brand,it is in that make " whether it make money by disease " Business,last sentences of lie that is beautiful so-called one medical ethics and atmosphere. Woman doctor aŁ¤ sees that reveals gloomy countenance by me, urges me to make a decision quickly implicitly. She also says mildly and roundaboutly if I do not believe they can apply to transfer from one hospital to another. I listen to her having one's tongue in one's cheek, in practice show the door, then ask whether she has necessity of transferring from one hospital to another. She afford to take great pains to guard a secret, the expression lose even ugly crying. aŁ¤ I hesitate to sign own name at the critically ill notice helplessly for a moment. Woman doctor prevaricate, tell me whether mother the deposit use up soon in hospital at this moment, continue, treat as soon as possible handing in depositing, they kind to arrange for the chemotherapy matters. Nod in my very heavy place. aŁ¤ I get back to ward mother ask me doctor to get me to do son, I say with a smile trouble of mattering, notify me and plan to do chemotherapy. Mother asked me what called chemotherapy, I did not know either what was the chemotherapy at that time, said perfunctorily it was some preparation before operation. Mother listens to doing the operation, seem very glad, she says that boring in the hospital all day, do the operation and leave hospital early early, so as not to endure hardships. Comfort her, has left the hospital laden with anxietily in my good speech. aŁ¤
Man's heart is like the sea Tide of need surfing
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