right now
God is wrong
09:36, 28/12/2009
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God is wrong 1: I lie in the sofa in the sitting room having three hours and 15 staring at the ceiling. Room very quiet, have sound and clucked clucked of stomach of wall clock at the wall only.
The breakfast,lunch and dinner was not eaten, water is the only origin of maintaining the life.
Having slept for 24 hours, dusk ground. A blank in the head. Flood passage of story a certain find time, catch, right away flash yet in me once in a while. Paper discarded use the all over whole sitting room. Ten day, pass by 10 day while being whole. I have not written out a manuscript, precisely not write out a sentence of intact words. Have write, has tear, has lost. It is very white that the achievement bending over one's desk in ten days paves the sitting room.
I begin to suspect if the rain is high. He say I full strange thought Yu of brain think it is one that does talent created. Indeed, my illusion love, marriage, child, car, villa, wait a moment in timid China of all materials, dare, it has fantasies of to be can until article chirp people rain high never. The hobby that the rain is high is created and come from the seeing and hearing of congenital blood vessels heredity and the day after tomorrow. And I come from rain high a word only. The reason why I am unable to write out anything, so I needn't feel ashamed in the face of the rain high.
2: Lin Feng's sound of one's walking from stair mouth to sitting room, and then reach the bedroom. He has come back. Already mid-night. Lin Feng comes back to be always after mid-night or mid-night. The brilliant rays of the dazzling fluorescent lamp shine my eyes, I contract and step forward to the quilt instinctively.
The same quietness dies in the room, except that Lin Feng knows the sound of undressing that asks for is the heavy breath sound that I am constrained. I neither dare to move, nor want to move.
"Tell me, what have I really done wrong? " Lin Feng lay at my side, silence can't help roaring again at last for a long time. Saliva bad smell splash face to reach me, insert spilling precise taste of bad exerting one's utmost effort. N time he is drunk.
I have not still spoken, the ones that made him crazy roared; Let he kiss like the blast shower; Let him spread and tear the weak nightdress; The ones that make him crazy are pressed on my body.
Talking about not stopped in Lin Feng's mouth is still that sentence: What have I really done wrong? I have not answered him. Because I know it is unable that any explanation is cruel in watching to me of Lin Feng, all pale.
Lin Feng has slept. Sound of snoring and alcohol flavor have filled the whole room. I have not cried, have not struggled. Because I am his woman, it is his wife. I lie flat, keep a close watch on ceiling equally come back, with him still, seem top realize the soul and paradise to day, differentiation of human world and hell.
Such a day, such a Lin Feng and such a such a day that I facilitate, competing and flashing rightly is five years.
Yes, already five years with Lin Feng for me. The tear has been for a long time in order to make surplusly.
3: Lin Feng is mistaken. If must say he is wrong. That dusk five years ago when he is only wrong. He should high to leave one year such as I but I silly silly walking close to me cannot forget him, in rain. Heard from my nonsense after being drunk high miss to rain sillily and sillily. Say rain high definitely but go agony of me left.
"I need a pair of shoulders, need a family, need the heart of a man relenting it. I will forget him in a man's arms, will forget the rain is high. "
Lin Feng walks close to me at this time. When I woke up, I found I was lying on Lin Feng's spring mattress bed. The spacious room, soft light. Everything is very beautiful! There is warmth like fairy tales. Lin Feng sits in the affectionate staring at me of edge of bed. And promise to me seriously. He has a pair of thick shoulders, has a family without hostess. Another fervid heart. Then I and story of Lin Feng find time, know each other, begin yet in us.
4: The only room where I move into Lin Feng does not need to consider through thinking. Lin Feng can give me everything wanted, except love. The love and bread can not hold concurrently and have. I must choose the latter while having the former. What the two do not choose is not the woman.
The love can come again, the love can be regenerated!
At night, the hollow house and a deserted and lonely woman. The figure that the rain is high is grown in the soul bath in the loneliness slowly. Lin Feng is only one of ten million men not going home in the city. And the rain is high - -
The man's extramarital affair often comes from the desire, come from the passion, come from giving vent to. And the woman unfaithful to her husband often comes from being lonely.
I have never thought oneself is a greedy vulgar woman who admires vanity. But I have never denied my desire to the money. Nobody say that loves the money to raise vanity greedily. The money is not really good things. I learn, anaesthetize oneself when being dissipated and luxurious with money of Lin Feng.
5: It is that I know in the beauty parlour in the south to be great. Because is lonely, because of liking to be beautiful, because is hollow, because of the money. The beauty parlour is that I patronize frequent disappearing and offering as a gift and sending one of the ground. It is exactly the apprentice in that beauty parlour in the south to be great. I let him wash hair each time, say honestly it is the vigor which he had one's body covered with that has attracted me. Have a lot of words that can describe as to him; Young, cool, lively, fashion - -Strong physique; Bronze-colored skin; Leading attire, smiles like the pleasant sunshine are all to woman's greatest enticement.
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